Reload

Where I pass by, cross roads,
 I remember what it's like to have been a toad,
Ugly and humped,
Less loved than the less hideous frogs.
 I forgot to love myself in times I fear,
When I want so bad,
when I tear apart what I hold dear,
In all anxiety and calmness I search within ruins,
How to surrender whilst not shattering,
or breaking apart sanguine.

 Love and fear come together,
To expand and glorify each another,

What is love when I don't know fear?
In contrast to yield to the joyous heart of ears.

I Love You,
Too easy to subdue.
Before I say it to anyone else,
I must first,
say it to myself.

Why Hayley Williams is the greatest petite powerhouse I have come to know

Hayley Williams 

Hayley Nichole Williams (born December 27, 1988) is an American singer, songwriter and musician who is best known as the lead vocalist, occasional keyboardist and primary songwriter of the American rock band ..

Paramore

It has come to be more than 8 years as a fan of Paramore, and ultimately, Hayley Williams. 

When Misery Business first came to my ears from a random flip through Myspace on a friend of mine Tammy Lee's MySpace (Yes, Tammy Lee the korean) the song was playing and I couldn't identify who the band was! The playbox had no title and artist on it.. As I drooled mentally and went all over to look them up.. 

Looking by lyrics worked. Luckily I had an idea to work a Shazam when it didn't exist.

Oh God, that feeling, this scene on my laptop screen. Inexplicable admiration, inspiration that formed a lasting impression.

That authentic angsty I-don't-give-a-flying-damn energy I have never seen a female singer have ever before

I have fallen in love. 

At first with Hayley's spunky attitude

\

and then of course her hair

What else.. 

She is Christian and frequently discuss her faith publicly in relation to her music. 

The criticism and words she has received from some of the judgmental Christian community didn't stop her from putting a stake in the public for her taste in clothing and making punk music. 

Williams is a devout Christian and rocks a large cross tattoo on her thigh as to much acclaimed critics, she still says

"Got a black cross on my leg. My faith is the only thing that never fails me."

"You grew up in a religious family. What kind of music did your parents listen to?A lot of Boston. And my mom was a huge Adam and the Ants fan. My granddad listened to a lot of Motown and Elvis and Johnny Cash. So I was kind of well-rounded."

I believe that rebellious part of her stuck with me very much as I was growing up too. There were times I found it inexplicably hard to drag myself to church too because of the way some people speak. But Hayley displays eventually, it is the love for God that matters more and I have always been inspired by that, Especially when I start to feel uncomfortable. I really am no different to them if I behave any same of less. 

Using her angsty energy for songwriting, even flipping at her own bandmates in words, 

Playing God in their album Brand New Eyes

"The song, at its core, is very angry. I'm ripping at self-righteous people, ripping at my own bandmates and anyone who ever made me feel not good enough. But the overall tone of the song is completely different. It's laid back and really fun. By the time we'd gotten to the studio, the song still needed a bridge. So I sat down at a piano and wrote the parts. It's one of my favorite bridges on the record--I love the call and response vocal that Josh and I did. I feel like this song is one of those that we've been waiting to write for a long time."

"Next time you point a finger

I might have to bend it back

Or break it, break it off"

The song was well received by music critics and did well on the music charts during the time of the song's release.

Who can deny Hayley, really? Even with a song fuming anger at them, her bandmates took it and made it happen a song, creation from the essence of pure talent and realness. 

Using what she naturally already has, through freedom in expression. 

How she looks live

Her Quotes

And that's about it for now!


Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed my tribute to the great Hayley Williams. Do leave some comments below or talk to me personally about what you'd like to see and know more about :)

and I end it in nostalgia

Untitled

I've begun to accept that

Everything matters and nothing matters.

I'll always have a burning desire to search for things to search (or maybe, gratify) my own purpose of life

and in the midst, 

help others with the same want to do the very same.

Maybe in that way, we are fulfilling each other

and that's what life is meant to be 

Love is source for the best everything.

With it comes courage,

With it comes gratitude,

With it comes healing.

I love thee soul

Intellect and love are made of different materials.

Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing
But love dissolves all tangles and risks everything.

Intellect is always cautious and advises , " beware too much ecstasy," whereas love says " oh, never mind! Take the plunge!"

Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love, can effortlessly reduce to rubble.

But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasure.

Omens

There were no chapters in the Alchemist.

I only realised when I started searching for one to know where and when to pause my read for the book for the day. I guess like the boy's pursuit for his Personal Legend, the journey more often turns to become a twisted staircase filled with surprises, and unexpected events.
In search of what I expected to exist; the beginning and end of a chapter.
Until I told myself, okay, 50 pages. Since there are no chapters. I was tempted to flip over to see where page 50 lands, but for some reason, I didn't.

When I reached page 49, the back shadow of the coarse brown paper looked different.

Flip

"Part Two"

Omens.
I only got to see it towards the end, and  this is maybe an omen to me, to keep going even in uncertainty.

♫ Let Me Fall - Cirque du Soleil

Wandering/Wondering

When the s u n rises, it's you,

Blazing like the dancing flames at the ends of an undying star,

and I think of you.

When the m o o n lights up, it's you,

Sheer and uncertain as it reflects the warm affection of the sun,

To man on earth,

As mine to you. 

When you wander,

The land in my mind I hadn't gathered courage to walk,

as though fire burns under your feet,

I'm wondering,

When will this end, 

As brave as I was with you,

I feared your exit, disappearance,

As fleeting as you arrived, 

Would you leave, as brief?

I seek to hide under your wings,

The safety and courage it continues to give me,

but alas, they are not mine to keep.

Angel not meant to be mine,

Sore high in the blink of an eye,

Each time I steal a glance.

Love is only love when given away,

I part with the dream of having your hands in mine.

♫ Fantasy - Alina Baraz & Galimatias

Diamonds to Love

No one taught me to love myself and I still struggle to believe that I am beautiful sometimes but there's no harm in trying to be fearless even if ironically, it scares me.

It is a chaos in my mind and when the night comes, and I am alone.
I am enveloped again in the darkness from the night and the voices in my head seem to get louder as acquaintance retreats,
or maybe, 
I am the one that does, unknowingly.

Before dawn comes, after the day ends,
2AM,
The screams inside deep in my mind seem the loudest and I am afraid.

Afraid that I would one day succumb and give in.

The voices tell me How I am a Screw Up from a to z.

And to clarify , being a screw up and screwing up are two completely different things.

But then dawn comes, then I realise that the realms of Night that frighten me only do if I allow them so.
And the deadly, suffocating whispers that I am a mistake,
The screams of me never being able to surface this drowning depression and suffers.

So many times I've bumped into people,
Giving me blessings and prayers,
Compliments that I do not know to translate into lies or just accept as they are.
Because most of them never stayed.
That people leave because I am just not worth it.
Otherwise, I do.

Genuine care is reciprocal to effort,
Not out of reach from your ability,
A phone call, a text, a gift or even just a smile.
I've always reached out,
And it either screws up or ends up unwell.
Hurt people, hurt people,
Sometimes they intoxicate as well.
I've always wondered, does trying already seem futile?
Believing maybe, I am just not worthwhile.

Of course there are a few that try to say they do.
Some of you reading this may even call me a hypocrite,
If so, please do.
I am flawed just like all of you.

But now,
I am not afraid to be bold,
Because I am told,
No one will love me truly unless I do so first on my own.

A diamond cannot shine without going through cutting, scraping.
If dirt is left unscathed.
Find your way through the cutting.

Endure.

You are a diamond, you will shine,
But first you must know that you are.

♫ Try - Colbie Caillat

Truth

Liar, liar,
You made me her,
Hands controlled by the emotions she felt inside my skull,
The movement of your lips, so easily wild,
With desire that lighted up our dancing tongues.

Liar, liar,
Such a magnificent man, 

But so torn apart between the man you can be, with what you are dwelling

Liar, liar,
So selfish,
Holding on all pain to yourself,
Letting no one in your enclosed heart.

Gratified from what you lust and wist,
But blessed with no more than what you sincerely give,
You said you decide who your heart be entrusted,
Longing to be loved, yet do not love so, thyself,

Liar, liar,
You said you don't trust,
The only words that I believed,
Because no one could with you,
Who could?
Your truth is dust.

Liar, liar,
I long for your touch,
Beneath those sins covered , is a heart,
Against my skin, it beats, fragile and thin,
That I know if broke open, would drip love like Gold,
The lesson I've learnt, preciously untold,
beneath your eyes,
And your foolish lies.


♫ Give me Love - Ed Sheeran

Don't judge me!

Too bad.  We all judge. Rack through your brains and Look through the 50,000 thoughts you have running through each day. Even if it is a positive one like "oh, she's pretty long legs" "he's smart" and so on.

Through time, I actually just only started to really see and believe that judgments actually serve a great purpose in communication.

It is not invalid, but neither should it be grasped onto fully 100%. Because guess what, NO ONE is perfect!

What someone says is merely drawn based on his/her experience and IF used purposefully, can actually be a great contributor to someone's personal growth.

So speak your mind!
Just be who you are. Even if you are unpleasant, you are not responsible for how I feel , because I am bound to encounter a similar situation, where I will be broiled in the wrath of another monster of the similar sort. 😄

Your emotions are YOURS. Feeling angry, sad or hurt is alright sometimes. But always remember not to give power to the situation control over how you feel.

The person that said something to you obviously cared about you enough to make a statement, good or bad. Your value is not equal to someone's treatment to you, so don't stop loving and giving because the secret to life, is love.

X

♫ Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran

Reflections

What do you see,

Walking in a crowded street full of strangers,

Alone, as I walk.

I see a man, holding his son's hand like a string of hope,

to the future of a man he is going to become,

with the life he is giving unto him.

I also see, a pair of wrinkling eyes lighting up each time you laugh,

Boy, do you know how loved you are?

I see a woman, swinging a lighter out of her pocket,

Lighting up a cigarette, 

Puff after puff, a heavier and deeper one each time,

eyebrows creased,

Lighting up a fire her lungs,

Because it failed to exist in her heart.

A couple stroll by, fingers interlocked, fit to look just exactly the size of a heart,

Looking into each other's eyes as they walk,

Whether her heart be beloved or have a happy ever after,

He chooses to be here because in this present moment,

Because of who you are with him, and who you can be with him.

Or is it something simpler? I don't know.

But he will do you good, as a blessing, if not, a lesson

And you continue walking.

I see all walks of life in notions to bring happiness,

Sometimes through sadness,

I see a mirror, 

each step I take, 

each glance I steal,

hastier and faster than the last,

I breathe hard and scream on the inside,

And it hurts but I feel

alive.

♫ Photograph - Ed Sheeran